spencertron

2012-01-24T01:41:00.002-07:00

Swag.

2011-10-12T17:16:00.003-06:00

Kreayshawn game by Beth Maher.

Left and right arrow keys to move
Z to jump
X to shoot

E to exit to world map
R to reset the level

thx JP

Buck wild.

2011-10-12T03:04:00.001-06:00

Taste.

2011-10-06T18:49:00.000-06:00

So delicious.
thx Michelle

More fashion.

2011-10-05T18:58:00.002-06:00

The idea is good but you know for a fact it's not gonna be this dude toting this rain cutting katana around. It will be comic book guy.

Fashion.

2011-10-05T18:56:00.000-06:00

Surprised I haven't seen this one yet.

Sketchy.

2011-10-05T02:14:00.000-06:00

I like to doodle.

Sharing.

2011-10-04T23:27:00.001-06:00

thx tosh.0

Walking Dead.

2011-10-04T21:56:00.000-06:00

Here's the new Walking Dead webisode series lead in.

Rex.

2011-10-04T02:20:00.000-06:00

Download drive here.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=KREN1LBZ

Mensa.

2011-10-03T03:34:00.001-06:00

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Will Ferrell from Will Ferrell

Boss.

2011-10-03T00:09:00.000-06:00

thx- pausesleepplay

Dick Riding.

2011-10-02T21:07:00.000-06:00

People are starting to really really really like zombies. Like like liking them.

Daddy.

2011-10-02T21:04:00.000-06:00

SFW

2011-09-29T18:38:00.001-06:00

Quarantine

2011-09-29T03:44:00.004-06:00

Close the advertisement window and press play on the lower left.

BREAK DANCE

2011-09-23T02:12:00.002-06:00

Pretty Lights.

2011-09-23T02:02:00.002-06:00

Fuck your light show.

THE STANDARD HOTEL LIGHT SHOW for TARGET from POSSIBLE on Vimeo.

New

2011-08-31T01:10:00.001-06:00

Cobraconda BBHM$ Trailer from Pause Sleep Play on Vimeo.

Eastern Promises.

2011-08-04T03:15:00.002-06:00

Guitarded.

2011-07-19T04:37:00.000-06:00

Technology.

2011-07-15T20:17:00.002-06:00

#DTMWTD

2011-07-15T20:07:00.000-06:00

Dogs.

2011-07-15T18:11:00.000-06:00

Tattoos.

2011-07-15T17:26:00.000-06:00

If you're going to do something, do it right.

#DTMWTD

2011-07-13T20:52:00.000-06:00

For real, don't do it.

Marriage.

2011-07-13T19:38:00.000-06:00

A lot of my friends are getting married these days. When I was young I thought it would piss me off a lot because there would be some gross wife always lurking around and bumming everybody out.
Thankfully, that's not how it turned out. My friends are rad and their wives are too. This is what their families will be like.

Pay the rent.

2011-07-13T19:32:00.000-06:00

This is a Mashup by The Landlords from SLC. Cool dudes, fun tunes.

Robodork.

2011-07-13T10:34:00.002-06:00

Thanks Trent.

Friends.

2011-07-13T09:19:00.000-06:00

My bud Isaac Ravishankara just made Atmosphere's new video. You can watch it here.

America.

2011-07-13T08:07:00.000-06:00

Future.

2011-07-13T07:07:00.000-06:00

Get me this machine and taco ASAP.

Ear it is.

2011-07-13T05:20:00.001-06:00

My friend Ben Samples made this EP for the world. Give it a listen, it's good.

Looking back.

2011-07-13T04:39:00.001-06:00

These are bad as fuck. I have a feeling they're also as equally expensive.

Peep more here.

Domo Arigato

2011-07-13T03:42:00.002-06:00

I normally don't go out all hard for dubstep, but the robot kicks fucking ass. I'll meet this video in the middle.

Kreayshawn Kemp

2011-07-13T03:13:00.001-06:00

Goofy goofy bitch bitch
looks like Dana Carvey
Basic bitches like these bitches
don't know how to party.

Ground Jordan

2011-07-13T03:11:00.001-06:00

Style.

2011-07-13T01:55:00.001-06:00

This is so right on the fucking money.

Don't scuff my kicks.

2011-07-11T23:56:00.000-06:00

Get your foot out my foot bitch.

Racism

2011-07-11T23:51:00.001-06:00

Maybe they don't know because it's Calgary.

Hybrid.

2011-07-02T18:50:00.000-06:00

Righ on the twat.

2011-02-03T03:01:00.001-07:00

Here's a new song from my rap group.

K.I.S.S.I.N.G. by Cobraconda

Tech.

2011-01-26T01:55:00.001-07:00

All it needs now is a little b-hole for all the nerds to bang.

Magic.

2011-01-26T01:32:00.002-07:00

Sandwich With A Punch - Watch more Funny Videos

Don't fuck around.

Got Beef?

2011-01-09T00:38:00.006-07:00

The term "Eating Pussy" has just reached Hubble telescope new levels and dimensions. You can get cat steak, cat jerky, cat quarters and anything else really like cat ribs. I call them cribs.

Colorado

2011-01-03T14:45:00.002-07:00

And speaking of dick punching, the 303 just dished one out on Grind Time.

Big ups to Klutch and Brass Knuckle Entertainment from the Springs!

Realness

2011-01-03T14:13:00.001-07:00

Same goes for if you like somebody.

Santa

2010-12-26T19:43:00.001-07:00

I love you all.

Stretching

2010-12-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

On some women stretch pants have no option.

America

2010-12-23T13:19:00.001-07:00

Fuck a grill, she should have bought her son a vasectomy.

Thanks Ashweed.

Heavy Fucking Metal.

2010-12-23T13:12:00.002-07:00

Mateo scored a meet and great with these bad boys of "METAL" in Florida. I'm glad to see somebody pushing the envelope.

Face Time

2010-12-12T23:58:00.001-07:00

New Face Tattoos?

the king

2010-11-14T22:23:00.006-07:00

Go get this album. Little dude is hella pissed.

Dumbass

2010-10-12T01:53:00.001-06:00

This is what happens when you give me a phone that can edit video.

YouTube Video

Wipe it yourself.

2010-09-07T20:00:00.001-06:00

I hate when children think they're being "cool". "Cool" is a concept barely understood by some of the greatest minds ever and when you let a little snot faced shit run with that idea, it gets more fucked up than me at an open bar. Let's agree on some things that are cool to begin with and get this whole shebang established.

-Cigarettes are cool. They even have a brand called Kool for black people because that's how they spell it.
-Drinking is cool. It makes you dance better, tell better jokes, possibly get laid and drive better.
-Leather jackets are cool. The real ones, not the lame white-thug trench leather that you throw on with your fitted cap and scarf to scare up some trim at TGIMcNutty's. If you don't know what I mean, you should stop reading this now because you're a dumb ass and I'm surprised you have the internet.
-Getting Laid is cool. Duh.
-Rock and Roll is cool. Dudes who rock do so by smoking, wearing leather jackets, drinking a lot and getting laid.

You show me a sprat throwing down some power moves and I'll change my mind about them.
"Cool" is a timeless notion. "See that guy who looks like Mad Max?"... "Yeah, he's cool."
So now we should be on the same page, let's get to the shit talking.

Look at this little fuck wad. Smug little shit probably went to preschool or the dirt lot across from the stupid Jersey shit hole he lives in right after this and was all bragging to his stupid little friends how he was on the Ed Hardy web site.
"Hey dood, you know doze gay shits our dads always wear to high school? Yeh, dey took my peekchoo for dey computah."*
*(How I assume this little bitch sounds.)

Some people are going to say that it's not their fault and I should be mad at the parents for dressing these little princes up and letting them out the door all sticky fingered and looking like they just gave the Kool-Aid man a rim job. And to those some people I say fuck you too!

I was a little kid once and I was stupid as hell. I had that dumb spiky haircut and walked around like I owned the place with my own shit in a fanny pack and cat shit in my pocket. On the first day of 7th grade I came to school with a Metallica shirt tucked into some pants with one of those braided leather belts that looks like your dick does now after not wearing a condom for 10 years and in retrospect that was a bad move. Doesn't mean I can't call them out now.

The worst little kid move by far is what I call the "perma-shades". Fuck it, this is bad move for anybody. You're inside? Yeah? You sure? Then take off your fucking sunglasses. Besides those are bulletproof and designed for people who skydive into volcanoes. You couldn't even grab a decent frame like a wayfarer or aviator? You went with the Oakleys, didn't you. That's because you're a child and that means you're a little pussy bitch who can't do anything about it when I snatch 'em off your face and brake 'em. Oh, wait...... They're bulletproof.

I hate them, of course besides the bad ass in the video clip below.

This is the only cool kid I found on the internet and he's not even a kid yet, he's a baby. I'm pretty sure this is who Dave Chapelle was talking about in his stand-up bit.

Ready, Aim, Fire

2010-09-06T22:53:00.005-06:00

I woke up this morning feeling like Jim Beam had personally raped me after a crazy ass weekend of partying and shows in Denver. It was right around 11 am, a time of day I don't frequent but I was giving a friend a ride to Boulder so he roused me out of my death/sleep so I could drive him and his shotgun up to the hills. As we headed out of Denver via Park Avenue, we started to notice more smoke coming off the mountains than the 4/20 celebration on CU campus. It literally looked like something out of Dante's Peak. So much smoke. I've found some images of the fire around on the web from varying sources that are comparable to what we viewed earlier today and into the evening.

I can't say that I've seen too many things like this from a very close vantage point, but it is insane. Nature is fucking crazy and fire like this blows my mind. Seeing shit like this makes me trip out pretty hard (as you can probably tell because normally I just use this blog to talk shit and peacock my cleverness) and I hope it burns out soon.

Lost Angeles pt. 2

2010-08-20T00:10:00.004-06:00

This last week I returned to LA, despite the last trip's pitfalls, and I actually had a blast. I think I finally figured out a way to spend more than a couple of days there without ending up in the hospital thinking I'm having heart failure. That "way" is actually not staying in LA. (This includes Echo Park, Los Felis, Silverlake and Hollywood.)
Rather than wading through the fixed-gear fiasco or the Mercedes mounting mayhem that is the Los Angeles metro area, I opted for a way more beach bro approach in the South Bay area courtesy of the fine Mazzotta family. Yeah sure, every dude down there looked exactly like Zak Morris and could do your wife on your wedding night, but they would all be really nice about it and not all snarky. They'd be like, "Sorry man, I pounded one too many brew dogs and banged out your wife." And I'd be like, "Dude, bummer. Thanks for telling me, you going for tacos?"

Could be that I'm just getting so sick of hipsters that my body is giving me anxiety attacks or it could be that deep down inside I've always wanted to throw the pig skin around on the sand while some babes hang out? Is that such a bad thing? Am I getting old? Am I a bro?
I hate art openings, I hate seeing bands without structured songs and I don't mind when people don't have tattoos as much as I mind when they have really nice full sleeves. No wonder I hated Brooklyn also (mostly just Williamsburg) and now live in Colorado. There are bros everywhere here, I don't really mind.

And we went to cool beach bum bar named The Shellback Tavern. Check it out here-
http://www.shellbacktavern.com/

American Idol

2010-08-09T01:59:00.002-06:00

You're gonna love my nuts.

Last year for Halloween I was the slap chop guy. He bites hookers and knows how to not eat boring tuna. He also looks like Leonardo Dicaprio after a grease fire. I like him and now he's blowing up the spot on the remix scene.

Fuck this shit.

2010-08-08T23:05:00.004-06:00

I understand that youtube and sites like it allow for user generated content and I like that everybody can show off their creativity. However, this shit is going too far.

This next one makes me want to scrape the 303 tattoo off my hand with steel wool. This crew is so hurting.

I mean, fuck. Cut it out.

The early bird gets the nut.

2010-05-11T05:02:00.002-06:00

Isabella Rossellini is fucking crazy and I love it.

Thanks The Soup.

Amurica.

2010-04-26T17:27:00.002-06:00

I just found out about these guys. This trailer makes me want to put on some combat boots and start partying all over the purple mountain majesties.

SWEATHEART- TELL YOUR SISTER TRAILER from SWEATHEART on Vimeo.

Thanks, Dennis.

Hootchie Coo.

2010-04-14T03:08:00.004-06:00

Here's a perfect example of kicking sweet americano ass, in case anyone forgot what rock and roll is. It's pretty fucking sweet to live in the future but this is one band we can mos def (yeah, like the rapper) thank the past for. These guys got me through some super parties and then did the intro for the best cartoon made to date, Super Jail. Peep game.
I present Cheseburger ( to all you "not know things")

....and SuperJail

Thanks the interbet and avult swilm.

Houston, we have a problem.

2010-04-11T13:54:00.001-06:00

Don't judge a band by it's covers.

Hair did.

2010-04-09T18:36:00.002-06:00

Great, now that we know this works we're gonna have to spend a whole lot of tax money on getting all of our soldiers weaved up. Fuck a helmet, fo' real do.

Thanks D Rock Cheese Cock

Love

2010-04-08T19:08:00.001-06:00

These fuckers started winning me over with their fans and now I can say I officially am one. God damn, how the tables have turned.

Lost Angeles

2010-04-06T03:09:00.003-06:00

I am currently wrapping up my last night on a short trip in LA. There's still everything I hate about it like Ed Hardy on 60 yr men and 22 yr boys with more money than most non- profit organizations but I have begun to find a new little place for me out here.
First things first is my unexplainable lust/love for any woman darker than me. Can't get enough of that shit. In NYC, they were all darker than me but that was just their moods, hair dye, fashion ponchos and the bags under their eyes. Here you can find a legit dark skinned girl that doesn't have MS13 cousins and is willing to party pretty hard with you and possibly make out and in my book (which is choose your own adventure) I turned to page 12 where I did follow that girl into the bathroom.
My second major exploit of my journey was possibly my first heart attack. We're not sure yet because some tests need to come back, but boy I can tell ya.... BOOOOO. On our way to dinner with my brother and Nolan, My whole entire chest froze up and my arms went numb. I 'm used to no feelings but normally that's just in the moral sense. When it creeps into the physical realm shit gets a lot different. I think I'll be alright.
It was nice to see my brother as he was wrapping up his album for his band and get to hang a lil' however most of our time spent together in the last two days was us yelling at each other drunk or him starring at me in the emergency room.
I can safely and sincerely say that this trip has opened some new windows and doors for me and of course , it's right when I got my last room the perfect temperature. Currently I'm on a small handful of mussel relaxers in one of my best buddies apartments wondering what I should be doing back in Denver.
I have a feeling it will be fun,
Cheers.
And thanks Sean. Sorry for leaking your track.
http://www.mediafire.com/?jayxy1m2fkm

3oh!3 exclusive new song!

2010-04-05T19:24:00.001-06:00

These kid's don't play.

Booya, 3oh!3 's new song house party leaked like a mother fucker. Here it is- Enjoy.

http://www.mediafire.com/?jayxy1m2fkm

The Hood.

2010-03-28T19:25:00.001-06:00

Who let the dogs out? Seriously though, was it Michael Vick?

Thanks Ignored Prayers

Survival

2010-03-16T05:41:00.001-06:00

I haven't posted much written content in a while because I've been doing far more important things that all involve booze and me not remembering them. The last month has been filled with the sort of days that blur into nights and nights that blur into Taco Bell. All the time at the bar this month has yielded a bonanza of useful new tricks and also helped me perfect some older gems. Without further ado, here is "What I do at the bar to make sure I don't die and can possibly stay on your couch"-

1. Show up early! It's cool if you want to roll out with a couple of friends but if you're not planning on needing them for a place to stay or to cover your tab, then go alone. Pre-gaming at a house is also out of the question. Why you ask? Because it's gay and boring. If you know enough bartenders then it's cheaper to go out than sit at your house nursing a glass of tequila and sprite and watching two of your fat nerd friends argue about Call of Duty.
The earlier you get to the bar, the more bad ass you are. Just look at the dudes who show up at 4:00 pm, they all have sweet beards and leathery skin! And they must have their suits and briefcases in those giant backpacks they wear because they already manage to have their office gear off by the time they belly-up. The early bird gets the sherm.

2. Water! Don't drink it. You're already 70% of it and as a very resourceful young lady (@julierasmussen on twitter) put it, drinking water makes you a cannibal. Not that it's a bad thing, but the only parts on humans I eat are ass and hair. Don't ask.

3. Fatty Romance! Fat chicks are down with pizza after the bar, they're far more attentive lovers and you best believe that they have a huge comfy bed with only one worn out side in front of a TV the size of their gut that has all the movie channels.

4. Don't be gay! If you are in fact gay, then go ahead and gay the fuck out of that Friday night. But if you're not, then don't be a fagmo. Don't try to crack wise with the door guy IE. "That ID is fake" "Don't drug my drink while I'm smoking" or the classic "I'm a lame ass fucker with spikes gelled in my hair, who is trying to bang this Asian chick with the belly chain and chicken pock scars."

4. Pooping! Do it at home or know your surroundings. I personally only know of about two bathrooms in the whole lower east side of Manhattan that can pony up quality enough porcelain for a cheek squeak. Besides, if you're in a bar with a nice bathroom, then it's not actually a bar. It's horrible to get caught with your pants down "butt" it's even worse to get caught with 'em up and full of shit. This problem gets exponentially worse when you factor in all the shitty cocaine you're about to "doo".

5. Tip! What did the leper say to the hooker? Keep the tip. Dicks, dollars, boobs or drugs, keep those tips coming in. It really will get you served like Daft Punk. Harder, better, faster, stronger. Trust me, I love Daft Punk.

6. House Parties! Fuck it.

7. Puking! I approach this with a certain finesse that can only be learned over time. When perfected the technique is known as "The casual vomit" or "Cas-vom". It can be pulled off in any appropriate receptacle but the key is diversion. You can't just be all, "Hey look over there!" I prefer to pretend that I am just getting a sip of water out of the faucet and I put my face really far down the in the sink and let out a Lil' guy. Or say you have to take a work phone call or buy smokes, anything. The cigarette thing works well because you automatically have a breath mint because you smoke menthols because you're an ecstasy addict.

8. Last Call! Do shots, more than you need. You already puked and plus it makes you look like an extra from roadhouse. By the way, that is a picture of me.

9. Driving! Always drive drunk. An old friend of mine who is no longer with us showed me some of the best nights of our young lives. Drunk driving in the middle of the winter with all the windows down and the music all the way up. This is one of the only tips written with complete sincerity. Love you and miss ya O.

10. Condoms! Nope.

With all this in mind, see you at the bar. Stay the fuck out of my way.

Friends

2010-03-15T20:26:00.007-06:00

Thanks Ben.

Feelings

2010-03-15T01:27:00.002-06:00

Next time you're getting boxed out from the bar by some douche-hose who somehow knows the orange tinted booze hound hood rat promotional device that some might call "a bartender", you get to know that this shit is what's happening at their house later.

Thanks life.

Popularity

2010-03-12T19:52:00.003-07:00

I had braces for most of middle school and the first part of high school. I also was chubby with freckles and loved Metallica and Wu-Tang. I rode a skateboard, smoked weed and made crappy rap songs with my friends all while sucking at graffiti. I hated the soccer team because they had nice hair and six packs.
The whole not being cool thing provided me with ample time to get good at stuff that would later get me laid. None of those other kids are pro soccer players, now they're all a bunch of pussies and I still kick ass. Thank god I wasn't popular.

Thanks Mike.

The Motherland

2010-03-12T19:18:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what to think about this one.

Thanks Rex.

Gay

2010-03-11T16:28:00.001-07:00

Super duper gay.

Money.

2010-03-11T15:57:00.004-07:00

Here's something that has always confused the living shit out of me. Bald head, goatee and earrings....Why on earth would anybody ever think this is a good idea? What happened in life that made these guys think that a somewhat rougher streetier version of Mr. Clean is the way to strut their man-peacock feathers?
"I want the look that makes me a juicer Andre Agassi that fights guys at the sports bar I kitchen manage at. Yeah, that one."

As my roommate Matt putt so well- "Just throw a bandanna and some chili pepper chef pants on that and you got every kitchen manager that has ever existed."

Job Security

2010-03-09T00:31:00.000-07:00

The girl in this ad is upping her status so hard. She went from waitress to college student. In my mind that's backwards.

Style Points.

2010-03-08T17:04:00.000-07:00

If you need any decoration or fashion tips, look no further. I've found the mother load.

Thanks D-rock

Strange Brew

2010-02-24T20:17:00.000-07:00

I've been djing a lot to make extra dough and because chicks get tricked into thinking it's actually cool. Here's a mix we play that my "band-mate" Graham made.

Flossin' like 100,000,000 Alligators by Cobraconda

Release

2010-02-21T16:00:00.000-07:00

What did the constipated math teacher do? Sit down and work it out with a pencil..... For the rest of you there's this tea. Thanks Brandon

The Future.

2010-02-19T19:11:00.000-07:00

Ivan Drago has come a long, long way.

Social Networking.

2010-02-19T17:43:00.001-07:00

As good as it gets. Thanks Ben!

So Important.

2010-02-16T19:35:00.001-07:00

What do you do for lunch? Loser.

Precisely

2010-02-16T02:08:00.000-07:00

With warm weather rapidly approaching and springtime hiding just around the corner like male pattern baldness, I've begun to consider my new looks for strutting in the sunshine. There are going to be a couple of obvious things I need to do in order to get ready (getting buff, tan, tall, etc...) but the crucial ones are going to take some thinking through. My main concern is probably my hair. This time of year calls for something fun and low maintenance yet sleek and stylish, here are the final two wigs I've been scoping-

The Jonathan Taylor Brandis-
Nothing says "I have my shit together" like a well groomed bowl cut. It also shows that you're into cocaine, you're rich as hell, and you're going to die in a year or two. Chicks love that.

Flatatat-
With the recent popularity of South African bad asses Die Antwoord, I see the flat-top or modified flat-top being pretty popular this spring/summer. This band looks better than a blow job to a hungry hooker and a lot of it has to do with their abnormally sweet haircuts. And maybe the fact that Ninja looks like Brad Pitt from Snatch fucked Vinny Jones from..... well, Snatch.

P.S. Flat-tops are also sweet because Val Kilmer and Guile both have sported them.

And if you don't know by now, somehow. Here is Die Antwoord-

The Thought That Counts.

2009-12-07T03:49:00.000-07:00

It's the holiday season again and it's cold as fuck outside, everyone's stressed out and I'm sick of seeing random dick holes that I grew up with. I'm also not looking forward to half-assing my gifts with low budget thrift store buys and home concocted arts-n-crafts projects that make me look like a shitty third grader coming home from an after-school program with a shoe box full of "good intentions" that are mostly ash trays for people who don't smoke. So here are some ideas of what I might end up doing for Christmas. (I'm not Jewish or whatever the hell celebrates Kwanza so I'm going to stop saying holidays here.)

"The Coupon Book"- A lot of cheap people make coupons for their relatives for hugs, chores and other Family Circusesque hogwash. I am more interested in the idea of making coupons to "buy time" away from people. The coupon user (the gift recipient) presents coupon and I (the gift giver) can't talk to them for a week. Or they don't have to loan me money or drive me anywhere... You get the Idea. One more good thing with the coupons is just giving people a book of sweet deals to local retailers and services. If there's a college campus around, these books are easy to find. Give it to them a week before Christmas to appear really thoughtful and to look like the biggest asshole of all time.

"Hallogivingstermas" - Give someone your Halloween costume or some left overs from Thanksgiving. Who wouldn't want a Catwoman suit and some dark meat with gravy? Bless your loved ones with the gift of another special day they like better. Super religious? Easter eggs will extract a smile from any Jesus loving pantsuit wearing aunt! Celebrate the day the son of God was born and the day that he was...... born, again. I guess. Somehow.

"Switch" - This will bite you in the ass unless your family doesn't pay attention to anything that's not in HD and/or have any "real" channels of communication open with each other. However, it is a very simple technique that could prove very very lucrative. The following briefly explains this method.
-Find gifts under the tree from an obscure or further distant relative that probably won't be there for when you open them.
-Rip anything with their name on it off the packaging. If it is written on the wrapping paper, then take the time to re-wrap the stuff in the same classified ads or whatever your couch change stealing broke-ass normally does instead of buying paper. This step also lets you see what you "bought" your family and to see if you need to keep anything or pawn it.
-Write your name on it, or simply carry them into the room once everyone is already there.
-Two weeks later steal it when they're not looking and return it for store credit and then sell the store credit to a shopper for a discount.
-Buy drugs and beer.

Think of your gifts wisely over the next few weeks as you watch the Christmas Story and Planes, Trains, and Automobiles 37,326 times because it's too cold to go to the bar and everything else is boring anyways. I hope these ideas help you guys get through to the New Year with slightly less of a headache. And remember, even candy canes cut your mouth and Mistletoe is poisonous.
Merry Christmas.

Creativity.

2009-11-01T15:57:00.000-07:00

Halloween is a super fun party. Everyone knows that. People dress up, get wasted, chicks are sluts and dudes are retarded and everything is perfect. Some people don't dress up but whatever, no skin off my dick. That used to piss me off a lot but now I found a new gripe, lame costumes.
Yeah sure, I know you just got off work and you only had enough time to pop a blood capsule in your mouth and mess your hair up, I can handle that. What I can't handle is seeing like 400 assholes dressed like three things that suck.

The Lumberjack- This is bullshit for so many reasons. Normally worn by some hipster/indie/metal dude who already has a beard all the time and only wears flannel anyways. So basically what they did for their costume is tuck their shirt in and actually put on a pair of sensible shoes for the winter (instead of canvas vans or chucks). This amount of lazy is normally also reflected in the band they play in.

The Blockbuster- Every year there's a different one. We all know that movie came out, but we all didn't feel the need to do something so "current" and more boring than watching The Bridge Over the River Kwai with your grandmother and her friend on New Years Eve. (I've done this) What really gets me is that people spent a healthy amount of time constructing these costumes to be one of two million assholes who also are wearing the same shit.

The Hawt Hunk- I have never gotten laid on Halloween, ever. Even when I was living with a long term girlfriend. But then again my priorities were on something entirely different. Mostly drinking, doing drugs and yelling. At every bar or party there is at least two of these dudes, more if you're in a college town and they are trying to fuck anyone and anything. I'd have to say that they are pretty dedicated because it's on average about 30 degrees out and they're practically naked but serial bro, leave that whole "sexy" thing for the chicks. You'll be in Cabo soon enough, and there you never have to wear a shirt and date rape is legal.
So, do yourself a favor next year and do something different. Cross dress, make up your own animal, be a taco bell employee. Fuck it, be your dad. Just don't be a lame ass with no ideas who only serves the purpose of getting in my way when I'm trying to drink, do drugs, yell and most importantly - Not get laid on Halloween.

Diversity

2009-10-20T00:18:00.000-06:00

When I was in high school I got a real bad case of food poisoning from Taco Bell that had me puking out my butt and crying out my throat and I swore I would never eat there again. Like most promises I make to myself, it lasted about a year and then I ran to the border harder than ever.
I normally need some "liquid courage" to really enjoy most fast food but Taco Bell seems to be the only approachable option when I'm seeing straight. However, I've found certain locations to be less than satisfactory. I didn't understand how the product could really differ that much when everything is pre-fabricated in a comisary kitchen/warehouse that serves multiple locations. I've racked my brain on this for years now and I think I've finally found the answer. The more Mexicans in the area, the worse the Taco Bell becomes.
At the main Boulder location (near the University of Colorado campus) the Bell is great. But if you drive ten miles the other direction towards a more Mexican part of town it becomes garbage. Have you ever had Taco Bell in El Paso? I have, and I'd rather eat out my dog then try to choke down one of those 7 layers again. It was horrible.
I WILL get to the bottom of this.
(And I'm not racist, with Mexicans at least....... Just Puerto Ricans, hate 'em)

Two rights don't make a thong.

2009-10-10T17:45:00.000-06:00

Thongs have always grossed me out. If you don't want people to see your underwear lines, then do the rational thing and don't put any on. I don't see anything sexy about something I know has been touching your butt hole all day, even though I still will probably touch it as well.
It's even worse when the girls do that Aaliyah shit and have the straps all hanging out, like some sort of 12 yr old s idea of what's hot. God damn, have you no shame? No one cares that you have some wide ass chunk of fabric jammed up your butt crack except for that guy in the corner wearing an Ed Hardy shirt and Armani sunglasses inside, at night.
So if you are one of these chicks, take the hint. And if you're going to do it anyways and I can't stop you, at least buy some of these pants.

Snow

2009-10-08T15:41:00.001-06:00

Today was the first time it started noticeably snowing in Boulder. You don't get a whole lot of fall round these parts. But I don't mind, the snow brings out the best in how people dress. When it's cold out you get layers and layers to either look like a complete jackass or a great Christmas present someone wants to unwrap.

The obvious choice in chick gear for this area is that whole UGG boots, tights, vest thing. It's a strange way to tackle the snowy weather because it doesn't really look good at all and it can't be that warm. When all you wear is UGGs and black tights it just looks like a malnourished Eskimo is naked from the waist down and has really bad frostbite. Get over it.

Something I'd like to see a lot of dudes doing this winter is going for the best look ever, the full-blown K2. Full snowsuit, frosty beard complete with snotcicles and those aviator glasses that have the leather on the sides. These guys are awesome because not only are they really sweet looking, but they also will cut something open and sleep inside of it like Han Solo on Hoth.
God, I need a girlfriend.

Taste

2009-10-06T23:50:00.000-06:00

Why doesn't music have this sort of feeling anymore. Everything is so clean and comfortable that it just doesn't have the emotion that comes with smoking crack and doing a shit ton of heroin.
If you want feelings and emotion in your music, do heroin. If you want raw, dirty funk, then smoke crack. It's as simple as that. Do it.

Shoes

2009-10-06T19:57:00.000-06:00

When I wear shoes, it's sometimes really nice to not wear socks with them. However, that presents a number of problems. It makes your feet sweat like a fat chick in a sauna and it makes em stink like a fat chick after a sauna.
My friend Graham gave me a little tip on keeping my hooves fresh while cutting down on laundry, Spray on Socks (our name for it).
All you need is 1 stick of Old Spice High Endurance and 1 bottle of rubber cement.

Step 1- Coat your entire feet with the Old Spice
Step 2- Coat your entire foot with Rubber Cement.
Step 3- Let dry

You're good to go!

I hope someone actually tries this. Seriously, just use the spray.

Dog Blog

2009-10-05T00:44:00.000-06:00

I can't stop eating hotdogs and it's been that way for years. I actually eat so many of them that I've turned into somewhat of a dog snob. A lot of people will probably argue with this but there is really only one way to eat a hotdog and that's a Vienna Beef Chicago style hotdog.

"But there's this one cart outside this one bar that serves bacon wrapped dogs!". Who cares, and fuck that. It's some shitty ass no name dog that has to be wrapped in bacon to cover its sweatsock taste. I also "got beef" (sorry) with NYC street dogs and the likes of Greys Papaya. Like I want fucking ketchup only on my hotdog. Do I look like a fucking 7 year old? Do I have a koolaid mustache and cat shit all over my hands? Fuck you New York street dogs and the assholes who sell these lips and assholes.

Once you actually try one of these badboys prepaired the right way you'll never go back either. So here's my salute to Chicago's third best creation- The all beef frank. (The first best creations are R. Kelly and Twista)

Different.

2009-10-03T02:31:00.000-06:00

I fucking hate Indie movies. They have got to be one of the most horrible things out there. Yeah I know you listen to acoustic/electronic hybrid music. I know you like muted earth tone cardigans with that strange orangeyellowbrown color scheme. And I really know you like to have scraggly beards. I hate you motherfuckers for real though. From little miss 60 all the way to fagnolia, OVER IT...e

Grooming

2009-10-02T20:37:00.000-06:00

I've been growing a half ass mustache and it's looking alright, I thought. Then I came by this little gem of a wonder. Look out for me at the food court try to snag some tail with my hot new GOATEE!!!!

DJ Tanner

2009-09-27T16:46:00.000-06:00

I've been sitting on my ass a lot in Colorado. It's time to start djing again, I guess. It's not a very cool or glamorous life style to get popular from playing other peoples' tunes, but fuck it. In a town like Boulder, for the most part, all the djs suck.

Here are some of the "types"

"Mr. Mashup"- This dude just spins everyone elses remixes and mashups and acts like he's doing a lot of really hard work behind the tables. They normally use the program Serato to make it look like they're actually doing something back there. Dude, we already heard that Snoop & Guns and Roses mix.

"Thug Life"- A white guy who spins top 40 at black person clubs. Weird. And btdubbs, nice Timberlands, asshole.

"Drugstep"- Dubstep djs are weird as shit. They're normally really high and like their music really slow and pretty annoyingly hard to dance to. They like custom New Era hats (like almost all djs) and they won't ever play a song you actually like or have heard of. This is what ravers do now.

"MP3J" - This is normally a person who has a large influence over where a lot of their douchebag friends drink. They play a lot of really annoying obscure bullshit and then try to throw an Aqua or Chumpawumba song in there "cause it's hillarious!".. You'll find these most in Manhattan.

All these can be good every now and again but for the most part, I'd rather hear my mom talk about menopause. Coming soon: DJs you do want to hear..

Work.

2009-09-19T14:49:00.000-06:00

In the last week I've taken on a new career path somewhat by chance. I guess I'm into marketing now. The first job op came like every other good white kids job, via my dad. He wants me to "rebrand" and change the nightlife division in some of his restaurants. It'll be somewhat of a challenge though because all the marketing they've ever done is aimed in the exact opposite direction. Oh well, maybe it is possible to get all these hippies to stay out late.
The other job came from my friend Nick. Nick builds bikes, really expensive bikes. I'm gonna sell them to rich hippies too. Here's some pictures of them. Enjoy.

COBRACONDA

2009-09-16T21:14:00.000-06:00

Tonight Graham and I started recording some new songs for our rap group with the help of our friend Matt Hendrick. The songs are really good in a horribly bad way. I'll post them up here when we're done mixing em.
White rappers.

Turd Merchants of Death

2009-09-16T04:10:00.000-06:00

This is the trailer for a kick ass movie my friends put together.

Recreation

2009-09-16T04:01:00.000-06:00

So I've been back in Boulder for a few weeks now and trying to figure out to spend my time. So far I've come up with these things-
1. Buy a Harley.
2. Get a job to pay for a Harley.
3. Get more tattoos.
4. Again the job shit.
5. Try to figure out a way to not get a job.

I'll let you know how these things work out.

Spencer

Kanye=Kobe

2009-09-14T15:02:00.000-06:00

After last night's little temper tantrum at the VMAs, the fine folks at Freshjive worked up this little number. Cheers

COMPUTV

2009-09-14T14:13:00.000-06:00

It was never really my style to get into long winded television before. However, these days it's all a buzz in the land of Spencertron. With the streaming capabilities these days it's hard not to watch some of these shows.
My favorites as of late have been...
Sons of Anarchy- A biker gang drama series brought to us by FX. They don't bother sugar coating this one at all and I really like it. All the characters are gnar as shit and it stars Ron Perlman's huge teeth and Peg Bundy.
Southland- This is an NBC series. A fictional documentary of the lives and times of cops in the LA metropolitan area. This shit is BRUTAL. Whenever you think something is gonna work out or be normal, BAM. Gunshots! Don't watch this if you have urban war trauma.
And of course the all loved power house of addictive boobtube, HBO
They have True Blood and Entourage. Both are entertaining and suck in a good way.

Watch them all and every other show ever created here.

http://www.sidereel.com